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i believe religion serves many needs – good and evil. i also believe one of the most important needs filled by religion throughout history is entertainment . you’re bored working those salt mines? chant to allah five times a day. hot day in the rice paddies? meditate with buddha. tired of picking up twigs to keep your fires a glowing? worship the sun god. the list is endless.

what else did people have to do? theater – maybe on special occasions. parties – again something most peoples could not sustain everyday.

in the past century our entertainment options have multiplied, but one true option is worthy of worship. with the dawn of dvr or 1 ad (after dvr), my life begins again. dvr is my new god.

dvr lets me whiz through programming at the attention deficient speeds i demand. no more commercials, no more hosts introducing america’s funniest videos leaving me waiting to see an overweight housewife trip over her overweight dog, and no more five minute recaps of lost trying to piece together its absurd plot and multitudes of insignificant characters dying by mysterious fog, polar bears or that creepy leader guy with the bug eyes. dvr is efficient, it is personal, and it is glorious. all hail dvr.

now well into 2 ad, i have become addicted to dvr. i no longer can watch live television. even if i am watching a program live, i will tape it and watch something else, so that i may return to it when i am able to zip through it.

my mere worship had grown to fanaticism. watching non-dvr television is blasphemy and i firmly believe a hate crime. catholicism never really worked for me, but I am proud to say that the ideology of dvr fits my lifestyle just perfectly. so please excuse me, as i need to lay fruits around the dvr box and light a candle to chant that it’s little green light never burns out. Amen.