sister anna louise

my friend just reminded me of our childhood piano instructor, sister anna louise. i went to a catholic school which still had some nuns teaching children. my mother and aunts would always tell horror stories of nuns beating them with rulers and in general, physically abusing them until they could recite their multiplication tables without using their dirty sinful fingers.

although i didn’t go to catholic school during its rockin’ heyday like my mother did, we still had nuns or sisters who for lack of sanity or pleasure beat the shit out of us for no real reason. one such nun was sister anna louise – our half deaf (i kid you not – she had two hearing aids) music teacher. to earn a little extra green on the side (no doubt to pay for her sexy gray woolen skirts or quite possibly boxing lessons) she taught the privileged kids in my little home town piano. my sister and i were some of those lucky children.

sister anna louise was part of the sisters of st. joseph, whose motto (from their website) is “together, we live, pray, and work for a more just and peaceful world.” sister anna louise’s personal motto was “i must break you.” missing notes on the piano were cause for minor breakdowns for sister anna louise, usually accompanied by a quick slap on the hands or thug on the head. and god bless your little childhood soul if your “hands got lazy” and played with flat fingers or if you didn’t practice until your little 7 year old nails fall out or you held that note a little too long. staccato, staccato! she would screech and slap you on your ear (which by the way really hurts – she would use the open hand approach - much like pol pot). really, i think she taught piano to lend her the opportunity to abuse young children.

anyways, as a child who was just developing this large jar of emotional anger i carry around with me today (which does not lend me to losing weight), i hated her. i still fucking hate her. i don’t really believe in hell, but it comforts me that her willowed old corpse might burn their one day.

my mother use to cart her around town and take her to lunch (i guess she thought she was getting closer to god, and lord knows she needed to burn some bad karma off). i would always get updates from her, which i always responded that i didn’t care. when my mother passed, sr. anna louise came to my mother’s funeral and announced very loudly “she’s gotten much fatter – she was always so fat.” of course being almost completely deaf, she can’t hear herself, but everyone else did.

personally, i can’t believe she is still alive (and she is – my mother’s close friend has now pick up where my mother left off on updates regarding the sadistic cunt and i learned at kara’s wedding sr. anna louise is alive and kicking – most likely a toddler who hasn’t learn to sit up straight). it just goes to show, true hardcore evil doesn’t really die. true hardcore evil lives long enough to make others wipe their asses and change their diapers once again.

where's my transgendered hero?

in fun news from my hometown, a woman drove over 5 people, killing one outside a gay bar in rochester, new york. at about 2am the women (susan arena - anyone know her?) speed into a group of people only to be stopped by our tranny hero, karen ann bills.

karen ann comes to the rescue with her cane, i kid you not, and ax. she throws the ax into the windsheild of the man slaughtering driver and dares her not to move.

bravo karen ann! i especially like the interview she gives with her trusty teddy bear sitting besides her. every super hero needs their sidekick. again, my neighbors suck and only wish i had a karen ann living next to me, in case i ever need her services of an ax.

below is the link to the story (with video on right) of karen ann's proud moment. karen ann does not appear until the end, and it is worth the wait!

http://www.whec.com/article/stories/s541725.shtml?cat=566

how do you say ching chong chinaman in spanish?

it’s funny how overt racism can appear in main media. and i am being completely honest – i think it is hilarious in 2008 when let’s say the spanish olympic basketball team finds it acceptable to give themselves epicanthic folds for a publicity photo at the 2008 beijing olympics. to make it funnier – it includes pau gasol who is not only a star on the lakers but a unicef ambassador.

i find it outrageously funny when the star of mtv's the hills (honestly i don’t watch it, but i do watch the soup which gives me the blow by blow of reality television characters embarrassing themselves week after week) discuss on tyra banks if he were to adopt a child from africa he would call him “dunk,” as in dunk the ball in basketball.

how about adam sandler’s quest to make the most homophobic movie ever – as in i now pronounce you chuck and larry which has two “men” who have to kiss each other (ewwww!) to get health benefits. you know i could make out with a girl for health insurance without needing to wash my mouth out with scope immediately afterwards - hell i do it for 10 bucks. follow up that gem with don’t mess with the zohan, who is a post israeli army hair dresser and insert your own multiple gay jokes here.

finally, one of my favorites is a rochester cine-plex staple of senor nacho, a cartoon figure dressed in a sombrero, green, red and yellow poncho, handlebar mustache and white pants asking you to consider purchasing some gooey orange cheese nachos! andale, andale! arriba, arriba! who creates this? what artists draws this and thinks - oh my god, this is the perfect example of a mexican?

my grandfather used to call my toyota a rice burner. he also called brazilian nuts “nigger toes.” i use to think he was old and only the old are racists/homophobes. my mother uses to recall when “sugar babies” were called “nigger babies” and “einee minee miney moe, catch a nigger by its toe” was the original lyrics to the well known nursery rhythm. she pointed out that these were wrong, she was not as old as my grandfather. my grandfather is long dead, but luckily for humor sake, racism and homophobia are not. although bothered and hard to believe these things happen in this age, it only takes a moment until i laugh at their absurdity. just like the austrian who kept his daughter/mother of his children locked in the basement for a decade, it is the absurdity that makes it funny. strike that, austrians win = much funnier than the spanish ching chong chinaman faces. sorry spain, you must settle for the silver medal....