sister anna louise

my friend just reminded me of our childhood piano instructor, sister anna louise. i went to a catholic school which still had some nuns teaching children. my mother and aunts would always tell horror stories of nuns beating them with rulers and in general, physically abusing them until they could recite their multiplication tables without using their dirty sinful fingers.

although i didn’t go to catholic school during its rockin’ heyday like my mother did, we still had nuns or sisters who for lack of sanity or pleasure beat the shit out of us for no real reason. one such nun was sister anna louise – our half deaf (i kid you not – she had two hearing aids) music teacher. to earn a little extra green on the side (no doubt to pay for her sexy gray woolen skirts or quite possibly boxing lessons) she taught the privileged kids in my little home town piano. my sister and i were some of those lucky children.

sister anna louise was part of the sisters of st. joseph, whose motto (from their website) is “together, we live, pray, and work for a more just and peaceful world.” sister anna louise’s personal motto was “i must break you.” missing notes on the piano were cause for minor breakdowns for sister anna louise, usually accompanied by a quick slap on the hands or thug on the head. and god bless your little childhood soul if your “hands got lazy” and played with flat fingers or if you didn’t practice until your little 7 year old nails fall out or you held that note a little too long. staccato, staccato! she would screech and slap you on your ear (which by the way really hurts – she would use the open hand approach - much like pol pot). really, i think she taught piano to lend her the opportunity to abuse young children.

anyways, as a child who was just developing this large jar of emotional anger i carry around with me today (which does not lend me to losing weight), i hated her. i still fucking hate her. i don’t really believe in hell, but it comforts me that her willowed old corpse might burn their one day.

my mother use to cart her around town and take her to lunch (i guess she thought she was getting closer to god, and lord knows she needed to burn some bad karma off). i would always get updates from her, which i always responded that i didn’t care. when my mother passed, sr. anna louise came to my mother’s funeral and announced very loudly “she’s gotten much fatter – she was always so fat.” of course being almost completely deaf, she can’t hear herself, but everyone else did.

personally, i can’t believe she is still alive (and she is – my mother’s close friend has now pick up where my mother left off on updates regarding the sadistic cunt and i learned at kara’s wedding sr. anna louise is alive and kicking – most likely a toddler who hasn’t learn to sit up straight). it just goes to show, true hardcore evil doesn’t really die. true hardcore evil lives long enough to make others wipe their asses and change their diapers once again.