this time of year, lots of articles review the good and bad of 2008. so, i was thinking, i can be bitchy and i can write. so armed with some painkillers, here i go....
madonna: i am over mad madge. what’s with the fake british accent? what’s with adopting a child from malawi, that’s so jolie 2002. what’s with her imploding face causing sunken cheeks and eye sockets? what’s with the farrah hair that was retro chic four years ago? She may come back, but currently she is trolling her way down the cher highway.
apple: just like volkswagen five years ago, apple's marketing and advertising has outlived its status figure status. their products cost too much and are marketed so you are always technologically behind their latest product. Their price gauging is gross and has turned this company’s marketed anti-establishment into the establishment.
american apparel advertising: the polaroid porn themed adverts were clever, but now have become passé. i don’t want to see some mustached pouch belly 20 something man in electric blue short shorts with thick thigh hair. Ever.
sarah silverman: her comedy central show is just not funny anymore. i watch dvr episode after dvr episode but this season sucks.
power bars: you’re an idiot if you eat power bars. you don’t need them. no matter how much you think you are burning so many calories that you will not have the nutritional assets to make it to the locker room without chewing down a 600 calorie packed dirt tasting wheat germ glorified granola bar – your wrong. eat a banana.
gay rights: not cool anymore – when california can’t pass gay marriage and about 30 states with state constitutional amendments declaring marriage between a man and woman only, gay rights is not liked in america. this all happened without the christian coalition controlling the republican campaign this year. even "our savior" obama is very cold to the gays – choosing a spiritual leader who preaches hate. gay rights has not taken a step back, its taken a road trip to the unknown.
vitamin water: its fucking kool-aid with vitamins added. drink water and pop a multivitamin and enjoy the same benefits without the food coloring.
speakeasies: yeah, its fun to walk around the block three times trying to find the entrance to the bar you are meeting your friends at. its enticing to order a drink that was popular in 1923 like rye with a egg white beaten in it. its not fun waiting 20 minutes for a drink, because the entire drink menu is way too complicated, especially if you are an alcoholic. just give me the vodka on the rocks.
republicans: they fucked this country hard. economy, health care, foreign affairs, environment, civil liberties – the bush presidency has left all of these in much worse shape than when they arrive. you have to believe in obama, choosing not too is just too depressing.
sex in the city: i didn’t see the movie – but i did see the gaggles of fat housewives from long island, nj and westchester who came in the city to drink sickening sweet cosmopolitans and dream their liz claiborne purses match those of vacant souls of sex in the city.
bravo reality shows: project runway, top chef, blush, hairdressing – you name a trade; bravo has a competition of split personalities battling each other for 15 minutes of fame. it was fun in the beginning, but now is just over saturated. who will be the top personal assistant? i just don’t care…
jumping the shark: the phrase itself has become what it defines.
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